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A Little mixed  girl growing up in Brooklyn, NY I was “La India” to everyone Latin and not Indian enough for the other side of my family, I felt a lack of identity and belonging early in life. I hated my curly hair, and my nose, I was curvy like Latin girls, and I hated that then too. I was blessed to be part of so many different cultures at the same time not being fully accepted into any of them along with my divorced parents had me searching for affection & guidance. This set the stage for my feelings of emptiness and rejection. I would find myself wanting to be liked &  not setting clear expectations or boundaries in fear that people that I was emotionally connected to would walk away.

 Dance was my true passion, the times I remember being the most at peace. Bharatanatyam would for my entire life be a source of discipline and escape. ( Bollywood, Soca, Chutney, Salsa, Reggaeton, Cumbia, Bachata, EDM, Dancehall .....I get down!!)

 

       At Mark Twain JHS I made such great friends, but I couldn't help feeling ashamed and jealous of the relationships they had with their parents and siblings. It was the affection and the safety that I saw they had. They had emotional support from their parents & which gave them the confidence to take bigger risks, ask more questions, and allow themselves to explore choices and opportunities more freely. They saw themselves as “good and worthy”.

This was something that was not often experienced by children being raised in West Indian/Indian- Latin Households 

I was lucky to have my grandmother & a few teachers that really cared about me to be my moral compass during this mess. I am forever grateful to those women.

 

 Can you guess what profession I went into?!

                                                               

                                                                                You got it TEACHING!                                                                                

Being a NYC High School teacher for 10 years was without a doubt the most rewarding and Demanding experience of my life (or so I thought because I didn't have my own children yet!). Seriously though, I loved being a teacher! Not so much because of the subject but because of the relationships you build, the guidance you provide, and the minds that you help mold. What stands out most to me is how much I learned from them.    I am forever grateful to them for showing me that language is not a barrier, that a person's value is not determined by their grades, their weight, or money, and for trusting my guidance as they shared their stories with me about the desire to reveal their sexuality to a parent, domestic abuse, teen pregnancy, having sex, drugs and experimenting with “adult” content.

 

Becoming a mother was the hardest transition of my life. Just when I thought I had packed up the baggage of my childhood and moved out of NY, got married, and started to live my best life…..here comes my son, followed shortly by his brother. Children have no control over the status of their families. They are powerless to the way they are loved, respected, and cared for by others. As a parent, I CAN CONTROL this for my children.

One of the most beautiful parts of Motherhood is that we have the power to break these toxic practices that left us scared and remain just as harmful to our families because, like us, our children inherit our values.

My boys are the reasons that I chose to get up every day and make choices that help them and the next generation of children to live in a world where their inside voice is Confident, Healthy, Happy, and Free.

              As a young girl I can remember promising myself that when I had kids I would do everything possible to be the best parent and make sure they felt protected and safe with me.   My punishments were harsh and never quite fit the crime, I was shamed, denied affection & humiliated. I was taught to consider others' needs before my own and was called selfish for having the same needs and wants as the other kids I grew up with. I hid my life & went through my teens figuring out things on my own because I was taught that open communication was considered culturally disrespectful. Through my teens into adulthood, I would feel unworthy of praise and affection from others.  Becoming a Mommie was the hardest transition of my life.  With no parental role models to lay a foundation for me, I realized the power and control I had to be  "the one" who breaks the cycle. I knew I wanted my baby's inner voice to be one of love and compassion & confidence not self-criticizing or limiting.

 

Many of us did not get this chance. Let’s break these toxic practices and ensure our kids don't have to!

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They deserve it.

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